To have good sex, you have to pay attention to what you like
e, but like a, you know, a mysterious puzzle that you want to play because it’s leading to pleasure and it’s leading to connection or whatever it is that you enjoy from sex. Instead of self shame, that curiosity seems really, really powerful.
Cyndi: It’s so important. You know, you have to be interested in yourself, at a minimum. And then it’s easier to show up for other people and find out what they like.
But even if you are kind of in a submissive sort of role, and you just want to be taken on a journey and you’re like, you know, just, take me away to do whatever you want, even then there needs to be some sort of framework, some sort of guidelines around, you know, when I’m having a good time my body responds like this, or when I’m having a good time, these are the kinds of noises I make, or when I’m having a good time, these are the ways that my body will quiver and shake and move.
You need to at least know those things so you can tell your partner I’m gonna be really passive in this session, but these are the things you need to know to be able to read my body, to know that I’m having a good time. And only you know what those things are.
August: And I know your book has so many wonderful tools and wisdom and insights to guide people through this journey with ourselves. What would you most like people to know about your book?
And this book is designed to take you literally step by step through all the things that you need to know about how to create a sex life, whether you’re single or partnered, that is fulfilling and honest and erotically charged
Cyndi: I would like them to know that the, the book is the best way I can take you by the hand and teach you all the steps you need to go through to work out what your erotic template is. So your erotic template is effectively the user guide, the manual to how you like sex being.
And then at the end of the book, if you’ve gone through and done all the activities and all the suggestions and all the exercises you will effectively have your erotic template, which is gonna be that user guide that you can then share with a prospective partner, not necessarily in a written format, although you could, but at least when a, when flirt dating apps you’re with a prospective partner or a current partner and they say, so, you know, what kind of sex do you like?
You can actually say, I know how to answer that question. I can actually tell you what I like. I can tell you the kinds of things that create desire for me and it’s these things.
I love that
The next part is talking about that with a partner and sometimes you’re gonna come across things that are gonna be different and not to panic when things are different.
These differences are a good thing. These differences are what creates spice and sparkle and, and enthusiasm. You’re never gonna find a partner who is a hundred percent exactly wanting sex in the same way at the same time, in the same, everything as you, that is normal. Don’t think for a second that your relationship is falling apart, if you’re not 100% on the same page sexually. And this is why it’s so important that you see it as a quest and not as a problem.